there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
