You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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