You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
