My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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