it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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