You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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