I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize