He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
