there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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