I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
