writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
