Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
