brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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