did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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