those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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