addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
