every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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