She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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