is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
