1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
