She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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