Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
