All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Less talking, more tequila
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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