Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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