im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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