Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
