You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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