I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
