Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
