I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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