Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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