do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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