I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
