No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry my hands just texted you
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
