I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
