Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
