Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
