Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
