This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I should be sponsored by Trojan
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
