sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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