Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
