The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
