Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
