yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
