I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
