Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
