You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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