it hurts more in the daytime
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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