DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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