Kiss
Puke
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize