Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
