worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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