the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
