In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
