I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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