If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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