I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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