could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
