i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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