My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
