I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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