How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
