tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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