i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
