She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
