You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Two words: blizzard sex
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
