mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
