Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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