Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
